It Follows - The Cabin in the Woods

It Follows – It doesn’t think, it doesn’t feel, it doesn’t give up. For 19-year-old Jay, fall should be about school, boys and weekends out at the lake. But a seemingly innocent physical encounter turns sour and gives her the inescapable sense that someone, or something, is following her. Faced with this burden, Jay and her teenage friends must find a way to escape the horror that seems to be only a few steps behind. Jay Height dates Hugh and they have casual sex on the backseat of his car. Then he abducts her and tells that he has passed a curse through the intercourse to her and shows a walker coming towards them. He warns that she must pass the curse to another man; otherwise she will be hunted down by the walker. Further, the walker changes form and may look like someone she loves. If it kills her, he will be followed again. Jay shares the secret with her sister Kelly Height and her friends Yara, Paul and Greg Hannigan. Soon Jay learns that Hugh has told the truth and her sister and friends try to help her. Will she succeed to escape from the supernatural being?

Michigan college student Jay sees a film with her new boyfriend, Hugh. In the theater, Hugh points out a girl whom Jay says she cannot see. Afraid, he asks that they leave. On another date, Hugh and Jay have sex in his car and he incapacitates her with chloroform. She wakes up tied to a wheelchair. Hugh explains that she will be pursued by an entity that only she can see, which can take the appearance of any person. Although it only moves at a walking pace, if it catches Jay, it will kill her and pursue the previous person to have passed it on: Hugh. After they see a naked woman walking toward them, Hugh drives Jay home and flees. The next day, the police cannot find the woman or Hugh, who was living under a false identity. At school, Jay sees an old woman in a hospital gown and walking towards her, invisible to others. Jay’s older sister Kelly and her friends Paul and Yara agree to help and spend the night in the same house. Paul investigates a smashed kitchen window but sees no one; Jay sees a bloodied half-naked woman walking toward her. Jay runs upstairs to the others, who cannot see the entity. When a tall man with gouged-out eyes enters the bedroom, Jay flees the house.

With the help of their neighbor, Greg, the group discovers Hugh’s real name, Jeff Redmond, and trace him to his address. Jeff explains that the entity began pursuing him after a one-night stand, and that Jay can pass it to someone else in the same way. The group drives to Greg’s lake house, where Jay learns to fire a gun. The entity take multiple guises, attacks Jay on the lakefront. She shoots it but it recovers. Jay flees in Greg’s car but crashes into a cornfield, and wakes up in a hospital with a broken arm. Greg sleeps with Jay as he does not believe the entity exists. Days later, Jay sees the entity in the form of Greg smash the window to his house and enter. She tries to warn the real Greg on the telephone but he does not answer. She runs into the house and finds the entity in the form of Greg’s half-naked brother knocking on his door; it jumps on Greg and kills him. Jay flees by car and spends the night outdoors. On a beach, Jay sees three young men on a boat. She undresses and walks into the water. Back home, Jay refuses Paul’s offer of sex.

The group plans to kill the entity by luring it into a university swimming pool and plunging electrical devices into the water. Jay, waiting in the pool, spots the entity and realizes it has taken the appearance of her father as it throws the devices at her. Firing at an invisible target, Paul accidentally wounds Yara, but shoots the entity in the head, causing it to fall into the pool. As it pulls Jay’s foot underwater, Paul shoots it again and Jay escapes. Paul asks Jay if the entity is dead. Jay approaches the pool which slowly fills with blood. Jay and Paul have sex. Afterwards, Paul drives past prostitutes in a seedy part of town. Later, Jay and Paul walk down the street holding hands while someone walks behind them.

10 Cloverfield Lane – Monsters come in many forms. Waking up from a car accident, a young woman finds herself in the basement of a man who says he’s saved her life from a chemical attack that has left the outside uninhabitable. After a car crash, Michelle is brought to a mysterious bunker by a man named Howard. She has been given the information that there has been an alien attack and the air is now toxic outside. However, Howard’s intentions soon become questionable and Michelle is faced with a question. Is it better in here or out there? Soon after leaving her fiancée Michelle is involved in a car accident. She awakens to find herself sharing an underground bunker with Howard and Emmett. Has she been saved from an apocalyptical event as Howard and Emmett tell her or are there other motives for her being held against her will?

Following an argument with her fiancée, Michelle packs up and leaves New Orleans, driving through rural Louisiana late at night. The radio tells of blackouts in major cities. Suddenly her red Volkswagen Jetta is hit by something and rolls off the road and she awakens in a concrete room chained to a wall. A man named Howard unlocks the door and tells a terrified Michelle, “I’m going to keep you alive.” She tries to ambush him, but he fends off the attack and explains that he saved her life by find her wreck and bringing her here, because there has been a massive attack by the Martians – possibly nuclear or chemical, and everyone is dead. He tells a doubtful Michelle that she can’t leave because the nuclear or chemical fallout will contaminate the air for one or two years. Michelle meets Emmett, an ignorant employee of Howard, who witnessed an apocalyptic, red flash far away, and then forced his way into Howard’s bunker. Through a window in the outer door, Howard shows Michelle two dead pigs outside that have sores on their bodies, apparently from a chemical weapon. Michelle also sees Howard’s truck and regains the memory of it forcing her off the road.

During the trio’s first dinner together that night, Michelle steals Howard’s keys and is about to unlock the final door, when a car pulls up outside. Leslie, a woman suffering from severe skin lesions emerges from the car and begs to be let inside. When she violently bangs her head against the tiny reinforced window to try to break in, Michelle realizes Howard was right, and doesn’t open the door. Unprovoked, Howard confesses to her that in his panic during the attack, he accidentally hit her car. As time passes, the trio begins getting along and adapting to life underground. But Howard has little tolerance for Emmett, and can only perceive Michelle as a little girl. When they hear loud noises above, Howard assumes it is airborne patrols sweeping the last signs of life.

When the ventilator fails, Michelle is the only one small enough to crawl through the air duct to the ventilation room, where she finds a padlocked hatch to the outside, with the word “HELP” scratched on the inside of the glass. Howard tells Michelle about his beloved daughter, who is “not with us anymore.” Michelle and Emmett eventually detect inconsistencies in his story, including discovering that the picture of his daughter Howard showed Michelle is actually a girl who went missing two years before. They suspect Howard abducted and murdered her, and they secretly begin fashioning a makeshift biohazard suit for an escape outside.

Discovering they used his tools, Howard threatens to dissolve them both in a drum of perchloric acid unless they reveal why they used his tools. Emmett accepts the blame, claiming he had planned to steal Howard’s gun; Howard immediately shoos him in the head. While Michelle is grieving, Howard returns shaven and groomed, insisting it was only right to kill him, especially since it was meant to be only the two of them together. Michelle is completing the biohazard suit when Howard finds it. She flees coming across Emmett’s dissolving body as Howard corners her. She kicks over the acid toward Howard and he falls in the puddle, which also starts an electrical fire. Ignoring the protests of the injured and knife wielding Howard that “You don’t know what’s out there! You can’t run form them!” Michelle escapes into the air duct, dons the suit, and escapes. Outside she sees birds flying, and removes the biomask. However, she spies a tentacled biomechanical craft floating in the distance. The bunker explodes from the fire, attracting the craft’s attention, and Michelle is stalked by an alien creature. As the craft then looms overhead, it releases a green gas, forcing her to put the biomask back on. She takes shelter in Howard’s truck, but the craft’s tentacles pick it up and attempt to consume her. She stuffs a rag into a liquor bottle, lights it on fire and throws it into the maw of the craft, causing it to explode. Michelle drives off, knocking over a mailbox that reads “10 Cloverfield”. On the radio she hears about successful human resistance efforts. Survivors are directed to evacuate to the north, while those able to aid the fight are directed to Houston. Being at a crossroad, Michelle resolutely heads for Houston, where lights are moving above the city and larger crafts loom nearby.

The Witch – Evil takes many forms. New England in the 1630s: William and Katherine lead a devout Christian life with five children, homesteading on the edge of an impassable wilderness. When their newborn son vanishes and crops fail, the family turns on one another. Beyond their worst fears, a supernatural evil lurks in the nearby wood. In 17^th century New England, a man named William is threatened with banishment from a Puritan plantation alongside his wife Katherine, daughter Thomasin, son Caleb and fraternal twins Mercy and Jonas, due to a difference in interpretation of the New Testament. The family decides to leave the church and the plantation it controls and builds a farm by the edge of a large, secluded forest far from the Puritan settlement. Katherine soon gives birth to her fifth child, Samuel. While being closely watched by Thomasin, Samuel mysteriously vanishes from her presence. It is then revealed that Samuel was kidnapped by a witch living in the woods, who kills and uses him to make a flying ointment for her body.

Katherine, devastated, spends her days crying and praying. William takes Caleb hunting in the forest and confides to his son that he traded Katherine’s silver cup for hunting supplies. On the farm, the twins play with the family’s goat, Black Phillip, who, they claim, speaks to them. That night, Katherine questions Thomasin about the disappearance of her silver cup while implying she was responsible for the disappearance of Samuel. After the children retire to bed, they overhear their parents discussing sending Thomasin away to serve another family. Early the next morning, Thomasin finds Caleb preparing to hunt in the forest. She forces Caleb to take her with him by threatening to awaken their father. Their dog gives chase to a hare and Caleb follows on foot, leaving Thomasin sitting on the horse which throws her and knocks her unconscious. Caleb becomes lost in the woods and eventually stumbles upon the disemboweled corpse of his dog. Wandering father into the woods he discovers a moss-covered hovel with a smoking chimney. A beautiful and sexually flirtatious young woman appears at the door and lures Caleb towards her. While passionately kissing him, her hand becomes wrinkled and she suddenly grabs him, for she is actually the same witch that abducted Samuel. Meanwhile, Thomasin awakens and reunites with her father, who is searching for her and Caleb. Katherine confronts Thomasin about taking Caleb into the woods. William reluctantly admits that he sold Katherine’s silver cup.

That night, Caleb is found outside in the rain, naked and delirious from an unknown illness. Katherine suggests her son’s mysterious ailment is due to witchcraft and prays over Caleb. The next day, Caleb suffers a violent seizure and expels a small apple from his mouth. He then passionately proclaims his love for Christ before dying. The twins accuse Thomasin of witchcraft and in retaliation she reveals their conversations with Black Phillip. Enraged, William boards Thomasin and the twins inside the goats’ stable. After dark, the twins and Thomasin awaken to find a hideous naked old woman drinking a white goat’s blood. Meanwhile, Katherine is overjoyed by a vision of Caleb and Samuel’s return. She begins breastfeeding the infant which is revealed to be a black raven pecking at her exposed and blood breast. The next day William finds the stable destroyed, the goats eviscerated and skinless, the twins missing, and an unconscious Thomasin lying nearby with blood stains on her hands. As Thomasin awakens, William is fatally gored by Black Phillip and knocked into a wood pile. An unhinged Katherine blames Thomasin for her husband’s death and the twins’ disappearance and tries to strangle her. Thomasin grabs a nearby billhook and slices Katherine’s face with it and kills her in self defense.

That night, Thomasin speaks to Black Phillip. The goat responds and is revealed to be Satan in disguise, who then takes the form of a man. He convinces her to sign her name in his book, offering the sights of the world and the life she wants to live. Thomasin agrees, signs the book, and wanders naked into the forest with Black Phillip alongside her. She eventually finds a coven of nude women surrounding a bonfire holding a Witches’ Sabbath. The witches begin to levitate as a laughing Thomasin joins them, rising above the trees.

The Cabin in the Woods – If you hear a strange sound outside… Have Sex. You think you know the story. Five college friends spend the weekend at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods. Five teenagers head off for a weekend at a secluded cabin in the woods. They arrive to find they are quite isolated with no means of communicating with the outside world. When the cellar door flings itself open, they of course go down to investigate. They find an odd assortment of relics and curios, but when one of the women, Dana, reads from a book, she awakens a family of deadly zombie killers. However, there’s far more going than meets the eye. In an industrial facility, two technicians are preparing for their day on an unknown operation. Meanwhile, five friends are preparing for their trip to a remote cabin owned by Kurt’s cousin. On the way, they stop for gas and have an encounter with the strange local who owns the gas station. While drinking and relaxing at the cabin, they discover a basement filled with interesting artifacts.

In a high tech underground Facility, senior technicians Gary Sitterson (Richard Jenkins) and Steve Hadley (Bradley Whitford) discuss plans for a mysterious ritual. A similar operation undertaken by their counterparts in Stockholm has just ended in failure. American college students Dana Polk (Kristen Connolly), Holden McCrea (Jesse Williams), Marty Mikalski (Fran Kranz), Jules Louden (Anna Hutchison), and Curt Vaughan (Chris Hemsworth) are spending their weekend at a seemingly deserted cabin in the forest, a cabin recently acquired by Vaughn’s cousin. From their underground facility where they possesses significant technological control over the area in which the cabin is situated, Sitterson and Hadley manipulate the teenagers by intoxicating them with mind-altering drugs that hinder rational thinking and increase libido. They take bets from the different Facility departments (from around the world) as to what kind of monster they want to attack the teenagers and discuss the failures of similar rituals in other nations.

In the cabin cellar, the group finds many bizarre objects, including the diary of Patience Buckner, a cabin resident abused by her sadistic family. Dana recites incantations from the journal, inadvertently summoning the zombified Buckner family despite Marty’s warnings. By releasing pheromones, Hadley successfully induces Curt and Jules to have sex. Attacked by the marauding Buckner zombies, Jules is decapitated while Curt escapes to alert the group. Marty, a frequent marijuana smoker discovers concealed surveillance equipment before being dragged off by one of the Buckners and apparently killed. Later, the Facility workers learn that the ritual in Japan has also ended in failure, ending Japan’s streak of success, and confirming that the American ritual is humanity’s last hope. It becomes apparent that the ritual involves blood sacrifice. \

Curt, Holden and Dana attempt to escape in their RV, but Sitterson triggers a tunnel escape when Demolitions didn’t get the order for it. Curt jumps a ravine on his motorcycle in an attempt to flee and alert the authorities, only to crash into a camouflaged force shield, killing him. Holden and Dana retreat to the RV to plan their next move, but one of the Buckners, hiding within all along, stabs Holden as they are driving away, resulting in the RV crashing and sinking into a lake. Dana escapes and swims ashore and is beset in turn. As she is attacked, Sitterson, Hadley and their staff celebrate her impending death and the successful completion of their ritual, viewing the events from their underground facility. The celebration is interrupted by a phone call from “downstairs” pointing out that Marty has survived. His heavy marijuana use ahs apparently rendered him immune to Sitterson and Hadley’s manipulations.

Marty rescues Dana and shows her to a hidden elevator he discovered under a grave. They take the elevator into the underground Facility, where a menagerie of monsters, utilized by Sitterson and Hadley, are imprisoned. Dana correlates them with the knickknacks in the cabin’s basement and realizes that those items gave victims the opportunity to choose the circumstances that will lead to their deaths during the ritual. Cornered by the facility’s security personnel, she and Marty release the multitude of monsters, including zombies, a werewolf, a basilisk, wraiths, a unicorn, and a merman, among others who wreak havoc and slaughter the staff.

Fleeing further, Dana and Marty discover a temple where they are confronted by The Director. She explains that every year worldwide rituals are held to appease the Ancient Ones, malevolent beings living beneath the surface of the earth, one of them under their own Facility. The Ancient Ones are kept in perpetual slumber through their annual ritual, shown to be unique to the tropes of each region. The American slasher film ritual requires the killing of five young people embodying certain archetypes: the whore (Jules), the athlete (Curt), the scholar (Holden), the fool (Marty) and the virgin (Dana). The order in which intended victims perish is flexible, so long as the Whore dies first and the Virgin survives or dies last. The Director urges Dana to shoot Marty, completing the ritual and thus saving humanity. But the standoff is interrupted by a Werewolf that attacks Dana. The zombie Patience Buckner suddenly appears and kills the Director. Deciding that humanity is not worth saving, Dana and Marty share a joint as the Ancient One stirs, its giant hand emerging from beneath the temple door, destroying the cabin and the Facility. 

B American Horror Movies

Der Tod führt Regie (Death is Directing) The Backlot Murders – When a rock band travels to a movie lot to shoot a music video, they aren’t expecting much – especially since the main reason the band is getting the video is because its lead singer (Brain Gaskill) is dating the daughter (Jamie Anstead) of big shot recorder producer (Tom Hallick). However, soon after they arrive they find that someone is killing the band members off one by one. A rock band, on the brink of success, arrives at a movie studio to produce their first music video. Somebody doesn’t have much respect for their talent, and starts bumping off members of the band, their groupie girlfriends, and the crew.

Bosque de Sombras (The Backwoods) – Set in the summer of 1978, Lucy and Norman, a young married couple whose relationship is going through a rough patch, join Norman’s boss, Paul, and his Spanish wife, Isabel, on holiday in Basque Country, Northern Spain. Located in an isolated area in the middle of the forest, Paul’s ancestral home seems the ideal spot for a quiet stay and the chance for Lucy and Norman to sort out their emotional problems. However, their peace is shattered when Paul and Norman discover a cabin in the forest in which a girl with ectrodactyly is imprisoned. Their attempts to take the girl to the police are hindered by the difficulties of the heavily wooded terrain and the intervention of a group of villagers who are determined to keep the girl locked away for good. Ledoyen and Considine play a young married couple at the end of the 1970s, who come to visit a friend (Oldman) who now lives in the Basque region because he has married a woman from there. Their tranquil summer turns to horror when they discover a girl with horribly mutilated hands in the forest. They try to help her by taking her away from the home in which she is locked, but the local villagers, who have to protect the girl, start a pursuit in the forest they know much better than the visitors.

Bad Biology –Jennifer has an over-evolved, hyperactive reproduction system, unsatisfied by all but the most intense intercourse, often resulting in the death of her partners and the birth of mutant babies. Batz has an overgrown, sentient penis, which he tries to tame using strong medication, obscure mechanical contraptions and copious amounts of porn. When Jennifer meets Batz she becomes obsessed with him, convinced that he is the only man who can satisfy her. When they finally meet, they bond over their social and personal difficulties and lack of sexual fulfillment. However, they must somehow tame Batz increasingly erratic penis before it can go on a murder spree. Driven by biological excess, a man and a woman search for sexual fulfillment, unaware of each other’s existence. Unfortunately, they eventually meet, andthe bonding of these two very unusual human beings ends in a god awful love story.

Bad Dreams – Cynthia’s got a grave problem! 13 years ago, something terrifying almost killed her. Now it’s come back to finish the job. It’s a scream! In 1975, a sinister hippie cult called Unity Fields commits mass suicide in a horrific manner – by fire – at the behest of its psychopathic leader, Franklin Harris (Richard Lynch). Only one young woman named Cynthia (Jennifer Rubin) survives to tell the tale, though she lies in a coma for thirteen years. After she wakes, Cynthia has grim reminders of the mass suicide, as people around her begin to die one at a time. Cynthia finds out quickly that the ghost of Harris is back to claim his ‘love child’. The lone survivor of a suicide cult wakes from a thirteen-year coma in a psychiatric ward, where other patients suddenly start dying under mysterious and gruesome circumstances. In the mid ‘70s, a cult called Unity Field commits mass suicide, but a young girl survives. After being in a coma for thirteen years she wakes up in a psyche ward, not remembering the incident. The psychiatrist tries to help her remember, but she begins seeing the leader of the cult talking to her from the grave, and the other members of her therapy group begin to commit suicide around her. Or is it suicide?

Bad Kids Go To Hell – On a stormy Saturday afternoon, six students from Crestview Academy begin to meet horrible fates as they serve out their detentions. Is a fellow student to blame, or perhaps Crestview’s alleged ghosts are behind the terrible acts? The Breakfast Club meets The Grudge in this sexy, dark comedy-thriller! Six prep school kids from Crestview Academy, home to the spoiled offspring of society’s elite find themselves stuck in detention on a frightfully dark and stormy Saturday afternoon. During their 8 hour incarceration, each of the six kids falls victim to a horrible “accident” until only one of them remains. As each of these spoiled rich kids bites the dust, the story takes on a series of humorous and frantic twists and turns. Is one of the kids secretly evening the school’s social playing field? Or have the ghosts of prestigious Crestview Academy finally come to punish the school’s worst (and seemingly untouchable) brats? One thing is for sure… Daddy’s money can’t save them now. (Based on the best selling Indie comic book series/graphic novel of the same name).

 A SWAT team barges into a school library to find a student holding an axe and surrounded by savaged bodies, before the film goes back eight hours previously. Six unruly prep school students are forced to serve Saturday detention for eight hours at Crestview Academy, where psychologist Dr. Lay (Jeffrey Schmidt) conducts psychologist testing on the students to examine their personalities and trigger their demeanors, recording each session in the process. Despite receiving an expulsion notice from Headmaster Nash (Judd Nelson), a new low-income student Mark Clark (Cameron Deane Stewart) plans to compensate for this poor behavior by joining the awkward Tarek Ahmed (Marc Donato), the jock Craig Cook (Roger Edwards), the sly Goth girl Veronica Harmon (Angie Duke), the prissy and asthmatic Megan McDurst (Amanda Alch), and the popular girl Tricia Wilkes (Ali Faulkner) in detention. After giving them the task to complete a school history assignment, Dr. Cay restricts their internet reach and takes away many of their phones, leaving the students imprisoned alone in the library, remodeled by the janitor, Max (Ben Browder), with Native American portraits and an Apache statue. The students believe the library is haunted. They realize they have mutually dysfunctional family lives, though they have their differences with each other, sparked from prior encounters which have been recorded on camera. They all try to break out of the library, but they are sealed in. Behaving mischievous, Veronica hides Megan’s inhaler and frames Tarek, leading to Megan having a shortness of breath and dying before it’s found.

Getting the Intranet (no Internet is available) to work, Veronica does her research. They discover an old, deceased Indian, Jacob Rainwater, once owned land that was stolen from the Apache tribe in the 1870s by General Andrew Winston Clarke, before it was taken over by the city of Crestview to build the school. As the students argue on-and-off, they discover a vent that allows them to navigate to different rooms that are locked. Thereby, they learn Matt has an undisclosed criminal background and become suspicious of him. After Tarek goes missing and they return to the library through the vent, they discover Tricia’s powerful mother is the Governor, Craig’s father is a city councilman, and Megan’s father co-owns the property of which Tarek’s father is responsible for building the library, all of whom made an agreement with the school to ensure their spoiled kids would be guaranteed to graduate in exchange for the construction of the library. A dark storm rages on outside the school, tampering with the lights and electronics inside, increasing the students’ fear of the paranormal. In an accident, Craig falls down the steps in the library and is staked by one of his crutches, dying instantly. Not long after, Tricia admits her mother was the reason why Jacob lost his house, and Veronica secures evidence on Craig’s camera showing that Tricia, Craig, Megan and Tarek had killed Jacob at his home to vacate the ownership of the property, leaving no next of kin to take over. Deeply believing in the paranormal, they attempt to contact Jacob’s spirit so that Tricia can all a truce, but the spirit rebels and seemingly harms Veronica. The spirit then appears, and she uses a nail gun to commit suicide due to fright.

Shortly after, Dr. Day emerges to reveal his alliance with Veronica. The whole time, they masterminded everyone’s paranormal delusions and emotional outbursts, triggered by psychological tests (inkblots), all to sell the story and make money. Killed by Dr. Day for trying to escape through the vent, Tarek’s dead body is what was used as the ghost. Before Veronica can shoot Matt using the nail gun, Dr. Day abruptly kills her with an axe for poisoning him and causing his diarrhea earlier. Matt is framed for all the murders, as unexpected booby trap involving the statue severs Dr. Day’s head, killing him. A SWAT team barges in to find Matt armed with an axe in the middle of the carnage. Matt is subdued, placed in a straitjacket and gagged. Max arrives, revealing his Apache ancestor, Jacob Rainwater, owned the house where the school now stands, which at one time was also taken by General Clark and his army over a century ago. In the closing credits, Matt is driven away in an ambulance and Tricia’s Governor mother, Tarek’s father and Craig’s father pay off Max in order to clear them of any involvement in the incident.

Bad Kids of Crestview Academy – It’s four years later, and a new group of students has been placed in Saturday detention at the infamous and prestigious Crestview Academy. When Siouxsie, sophomore “underrust”, crashes the party to avenge her sister’s death, a Saturday detention reserved for the privileged seniors at Crestview Academy turns into a date in hell. It’s not long before a naïve pussycat lover, gay drug dealer, smoking’ hot preacher’s daughter, squeaky-clean senator’s son, and the uninvited younger outsider find themselves locked-up in school with no way out, wondering who (or what) has set them up. Hilarity and suspense ensue while each “bad kid” pits one against the other, and one by one each falls victim to absurdly gruesome “accidents” while trying to escape. (Based on the best-selling graphic novel sequel “Bad Kids Go 2 Hell.” 

Sabrina: The Teenage Witch

Sabrina: The Teenage Witch

Season 1

Episode #1: Pilot – On her sixteenth birthday, Sabrina Spellman finds out that she is a witch. However, instead of helping her, it actually makes life more difficult, especially after she gets on the wrong side of head cheerleader, Libby. On her sixteenth birthday, Sabrina Spellman is informed by her aunts, Hilda and Zelda, that she, along with everybody on her father’s side of the family is a witch. However, Sabrina doesn’t believe that she has magical powers until she unintentionally turns the head cheerleader at school into a pineapple.

Episode #2: Bundt Friday – In order to find out what Libby has been saying about her and Jenny, Sabrina gives her a piece of cake covered with true sprinkles. However, when their teacher shares the cake with students and teachers, Sabrina finds that the truth hurts. Sabrina slips Libby some truth sprinkles to make her confess to spreading nasty lies, but her plan backfires when the goodies make Jenny reveal she’s sweet on Sabrina’s love interest, Harvey. Meanwhile, Hilda prepares for a date with Drell – despite having stood her up over 1,000 times in the past.

Episode #3: The True Adventures of Rudy Kazootie – In an attempt at earning some money to buy roller blades, Sabrina takes a job babysitting a little boy. However, when she is trying to calm him down, she inadvertently casts a spell which turns him into a man. When babysitting a cranky toddler and trying to have a study date with Harvey, Sabrina accidentally casts a spell transforming him into a grown man. Unable to figure out the mystery behind the spell, a frantic Sabrina tries to locate her aunts for assistance before Rudy’s parents arrive home and realize they’ve missed an immense portion of their son’s life.

Episode #4: Terrible Things – Sabrina makes three wishes come true for her unsuspecting friends: Jenny gets elected student president, Harvey becomes a football star, and Mr. Pool becomes rich. Soon she learns the truth of her aunts’ warnings that one shouldn’t meddle with the fate of others: Jenny is crushed when she learns the student president is merely a rubber stamp assistant to the principal, and resigns in favor of Libby, Harvey really can’t play football and is injured on the field, and Mr. Pool’s success at alchemy turns him into an obnoxious blow hard.

Episode #5: A Halloween Story – When she’s forced to attend a family affair, Sabrina sends a clone to Harvey’s party, where the simple-minded stand-in (who can only speak three sentences) agrees to streak naked in order to liven up the festivities. Meanwhile, the real Sabrina desperately tries to ditch her relatives: an obnoxious socialite and her brat of a daughter, whose hobby is putting people she dislikes into jars. Knowing Harvey plans to dress like James Dean, Sabrina muses about the real star, but when her aunts give her a special Halloween present of a half hour with the dead person of her choice, she opts for her beloved grandmother instead, because “Halloween is really about family.”

Episode #6: Dream Date – When Sabrina is left feeling down because Harvey has agreed to go to the school dance with Libby, her aunts literally cook up a date for her, but nonetheless she still pines for him. Sabrina’s bummed when Harvey agrees to go to the dance with Libby, so she decides to skip the event until her aunts use some “man dough” to create her perfect date. Actually, he’s a little too perfect Sabrina has to admit to herself that she prefers Harvey, but can only tell him so when she temporarily freezes him. Harvey prefers Sabrina as well, but is too shy to tell her. Meanwhile, Hilda and Zelda’s dough dates aren’t too well blended together, and Libby falls for the dough boy and is devastated when he disintegrates, thinking he has dumped her.

Episode #7: Third Aunt from the Sun – Sabrina’s Aunt Vesta pays her a visit and soon hatches a plot to entice her niece into moving into the Other Realm. Sabrina visits an Aunt in Pleasuredome – a Realm where every wish is granted – and decides to stay for good.

Episode #8: Magic Joel – In an effort to get Harvey’s attention, Sabrina takes a job as a magician’s assistant, but things go awry when she inadvertently makes the magician disappear. Hoping to catch Harvey’s eye, Sabrina becomes an assistant to Joel, a shy teen magician, but the act is more comical than bewitching when the trickster’s tricks misfire. To save him from embarrassment, Sabrina makes the magic man temporarily invisible – then discovers that he likes it and doesn’t want to reappear, especially when he can scope out the girls’ locker room. Meanwhile, Aunt Zelda entertains an old colleague who has been too shy to admit his attraction to her.

Episode #9: Geek Like Me – Sabrina tires of Libby’s constant teasing – which worsens when Sabrina joins a Science Club – so she gives the tormentor a taste of the taunting by turning her into a nerd. Meanwhile, Zelda wants Hilda to throw out some very old items. Tired of watching Libby treat people badly, Sabrina decides to give Libby a taste of her own medicine by transforming her into a geek. However, when Libby succeeds in turning her fellow geeks against the entire school, Sabrina must find a way to unite her classmates before the plan backfires.

Episode #10: Sweet & Sour Victory – Depressed by her lack of talent at sports, Sabrina casts a spell which makes her brilliant at Kung Fu, but when she beats a seasoned professional, her conscience bothers her. Sabrina learns a hard lesson in witchcraft when she tries to make Harvey notice her by using her powers to become an instant Kung Fu expert under Mr. Pool’s astonished tutelage. She easily defeats the standing champion, but must face the disapproval of her Aunts and the jeers of the (magically animated) trophy she won. Meanwhile, Aunt Hilda tries out for first violin the local symphony the mortal way, but loses to her longtime rival Gustav.

Episode #11: A Girl and Her Cat – After Salem stows away in her backpack and gets her thrown out of the local pizzeria, Sabrina washes her hands of the cat, feigning unconcern when the feline fails to return for Christmas dinner with visiting cousin Monty. When she discovers that Salem has in fact been catnapped by a stubborn little boy named Rex, Sabrina launches a desperate plan to rescue him by impersonating Santa Claus.

Episode #12: Trial by Fury – When Sabrina’s bitter math teacher Mr. Rothwell singles her out for unfair treatment, and her Aunts are unable to make him see reason, the witch trio decide it’s time to teach him a few of their own spellbinding lessons. When he’s hauled into traffic court, they replace the human judge with a magical substitute who’s been hibernating in a deep freeze “to prevent media bias”. Meanwhile, Salem panics when his ex-girlfriend decides to pay him a surprise visit especially since she has no idea that he has been turned into a cat.

Episode #13: Jenny’s Non-Dream – After spending the weekend at Jenny’s, under the advice of her Aunts, Sabrina reluctantly invites Jenny to her house. However, when Jenny enters the linen closet, she ends up in the Other Realm, at the mercy of Drell. When Sabrina is apprehensive about inviting Jenny to spend the night because of her “unique” home life, Hilda and Zelda assure her that she has nothing to worry about. But when Jenny accidentally enters the other realm through the linen closet, Drell cites the rule against mortals entering his world and turns her into a grasshopper, so Sabrina and her Aunts must find a way to convince her that the whole experience was just a dream.

Episode #14: Sabrina Through the Looking Glass – A stressed out Sabrina gets a monstrous wart, which only worsens her foul mood. And despite everyone’s efforts to cheer her, she seeks solace and solitude in an alternate world inside her mirror, where she becomes trapped in her own bad mood. To Jenny for ignoring her, to Harvey for ridiculing his use of a puppet spider monkey to get them through a school assignment she flubbed, and to Libby for turning her into a goat.

Episode #15: Hilda and Zelda: the Teenage Years – When Sabrina is disappointed that her Aunts won’t let her stay out late to see the famous rock band Violent Femmes, Hilda and Zelda decide to transform themselves into teenage chaperones as a compromise. But they’re the ones causing the trouble when “Hilary” clashes with a security guard and a high school boy falls for “Zellery”. After proving that even teenage Aunts can be embarrassing, they apologize by giving Sabrina her very first flying lesson – aboard a vacuum cleaner.

Episode #16: Mars Attracts! – Sabrina and her Aunts take a trip to Mars, but Sabrina is reluctant to leave Harvey. She agrees to call him at a specified time, but when her attractive ski instructor takes a shine to her, she soon forgets about the mortal world. A starry-eyed Sabrina hates to leave Harvey for a family skiing trip to Mars, but Doug, the good looking and magically talented ski coach she meets there, soon has her forgetting to phone home while they spend a romantic evening together. Meanwhile, Hilda meets a man who claims to be a secret agent on a dangerous mission, which she assumes is just another holiday-on-Mars fib; and Salem takes the opportunity to host a riotous cat party at home.

Episode #17: First Kiss – As Sabrina and Harvey grow closer, her Aunts reveal that when a witch kisses a mortal for the first time, the mortal turns into a frog. Unable to stop herself, however, Sabrina kisses Harvey and must find a way to change him back. A Valentine’s Day episode shows that while dating is tough when you’re a teenager, it’s even tougher when you’re a teenage witch. Just as Sabrina and Harvey are about to share their first kiss, Salem desperately interrupts them. Sabrina’s cat isn’t trying to be a pest, and no, he’s not jealous; rather, the feline knows that a kiss from Sabrina will turn Harvey or any boy for that matter into a frog. In order to reverse the tragic spell, Sabrina must pass The Witch’s Council “Test of True Love” to prove that her feelings for Harvey are genuine.

Episode #18: Sweet Charity – Hoping to encourage more students to join the Adopt-A-Grandparent program, Sabrina finds a mischievous way to get trendsetting Libby to participate: she impersonates her, necessitating quick Superman-style telephone booth transformation whenever the real Libby turns up. But Sabrina’s well-meant scheme goes wrong when Libby bonds with Sabrina’s adopted grandmother Nana, who claims to know most of Hollywood’s young hunks personally. Meanwhile, Zelda can’t decide whether to continue dating a man who is centuries younger than she is; and Hilda and Salem eat too much of a magical “hair soup” that causes their hair to grow at an exponential rate.

Episode #19: Cat Showdown – Sabrina has blown her allowance and Salem has maxed out his credit card over the phone, so they decide to enter a cat show to earn the prize money, but soon find themselves wrapped up in a blackmail scheme to force the judge to throw the competition, and, to avoid being caught, Sabrina has to transform herself into a contestant. Meanwhile, Hilda and Zelda seek out a magical perfume that will make Zelda repulsive to their love-sick mailman Dick, and Hilda gets shrunk as a punishment for taking free samples in the magical “Full Moon” shop.

Episode #20: Meeting Dad’s Girlfriend – Preparing for her father’s monthly visit, Sabrina anticipates the teenage trauma of introducing her father to her boyfriend (actually, Edward and Harvey do reasonably well), but isn’t prepared for the teenage trauma of meeting your divorced father’s new girlfriend, an attractive supernatural lawyer named Gail. Initially hostile, Sabrina is persuaded by her Aunts to see reason and tries to make amends by asking whether Edward and Gail plan to get married. When they simultaneously answer “Yes” (Gail) and “No” (Edward), Gail furiously dives into Sabrina’s magic book.

Episode #21: As Westbridge Turns – Sabrina, bored with her life, opens a magical can of worms which instantly transforms Sabrina’s life into a dramatic soap opera. However, things don’t go exactly as the teen witch originally planned, especially when she gets accused of being a thief.

Episode #22: The Great Mistake – Sabrina hits a really bad day: disregarding her Aunts’ warning, she buys a “tomorrow” ball from a supernatural traveling salesman, and believes its prediction that she will get an “A-“ on her science project. Unfortunately, Mr. Pool doesn’t share that estimation of her work, and gives her a C- and a chance to redo the project overnight. Instead, Sabrina tries to sneak out of the house aboard her trusty vacuum cleaner to attend a “Smashing Pumpkins’ concert, but gets pulled over by a flying motorcycle cop and cited for flying over the town “with a full bag and bad dust emissions”.

Episode #23: The Crucible – Sabrina’s fears become reality when she takes part in a re-creation of the Salem witch trials and is accused of sorcery while defending Jenny’s honor. Libby made up a bunch of lies, just to get rid of Sabrina and Jenny, accusing them of practicing witchcraft. At the end, all teachers realize that she was lying, and Sabrina casts a spell on her as revenge.

Episode #24: Troll Bride – When Sabrina can’t find her homework, she follows Salem’s advice to consult a professional magic finder, but when troll Roland appears and quickly uncovers her missing notebook, he demands her hand in marriage as payment. Following him home to attempt reason she is trapped in his castle and can only be rescued by the prince she loves: Harvey. Has the moment come when he will learn the truth about Sabrina’s unusual family?